Relationship · · 3 min read
Everyday consent, even after years together
Consent is not only a question for first dates. In a long-term couple, it changes form, becomes more implicit, and that is exactly where it deserves a little attention.
The effect of habit
Researchers have studied what they call "precedent": the more intimate moments two people have already shared, the more they tend to assume the other's agreement instead of checking. It is natural, but habit can make you miss an evening when your partner isn't in the mood.
What research says
A major review of research, mostly among young adults, recalls a few principles that apply to everyone: consent is often expressed without words, through gestures and looks, which leaves room for misunderstanding; saying yes to one thing does not cover everything; and anyone can change their mind along the way.
Simple and natural
Asking is not cold. "Do you feel like it tonight?", "Do you like this?": these words are part of closeness. And knowing you can say no without upsetting the other makes the yes freer. In the app, either of you can postpone or cancel a moment, with no need to explain.
Sources
- Willis M., Jozkowski K.N. (2019). Sexual precedent's effect on sexual consent communication. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 48(6), 1723–1734. doi.org
- Muehlenhard C.L., Humphreys T.P., Jozkowski K.N., Peterson Z.D. (2016). The complexities of sexual consent among college students: a conceptual and empirical review. Journal of Sex Research, 53(4–5), 457–487. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
This article is for information only and does not replace professional advice. If you feel pressured in your relationship, you can talk to a doctor or a victim support organisation.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.