Relationship · · 3 min read
Sharing fantasies: what research says
Almost everyone has fantasies, and most are far more common than people think. Sharing them with your partner can still feel intimidating. Here is what research says.
Very common fantasies
An American psychologist surveyed more than 4,000 people about their fantasies. They turned out to be almost universal, with a small number of themes recurring for most people, and many people wished they could talk about them with their partner but didn't dare. Among those who had, most described a positive experience for the couple.
Thinking of each other brings you closer
A series of experiments in Israel showed that people asked to imagine a fantasy involving their partner then felt more desire for them and were more caring in their interactions. Fantasies are not only an individual matter: they can feed the bond.
Sharing gently
Nothing obliges you to say everything, or to act on everything. You can start with a light theme, talk about it outside an intimate moment, and welcome your partner's desires without judgement. The app's wish lists, where each of you writes for yourself and sees what the other shares, are designed for this kind of first step.
Sources
- Birnbaum G.E., Kanat-Maymon Y., Mizrahi M., Recanati M., Orr R. (2019). What fantasies can do to your relationship: the effects of sexual fantasies on couple interactions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(3), 461–476. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Lehmiller J.J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Da Capo Lifelong Books. scholar.google.com
This article is for information only and does not replace the support of a sex therapist. The survey cited relies on self-reported answers, and the experiments measure short-term effects.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.