Relationship · · 3 min read
Novelty together, fuel for desire
At the start of a relationship, everything is new. Over the years, habit sets in, and it is often habit, more than the other person, that dims the spark a little. The good news: novelty can be recreated.
A famous experiment
In 2000, researchers invited couples to do, in the lab, either a slightly crazy task that was new to them or a mundane one. Those who had shared the new, stimulating activity then reported better relationship quality. The effect came from novelty lived together, not just from fun.
Novelty and desire
More recent studies, following established couples day by day, observed that on days when they shared a new or enriching activity, their desire for each other was higher. An experiment confirmed the link: imagining or living an activity that "broadens horizons" increased desire.
Accessible ideas
No need to travel to the other side of the world. A new restaurant, a class together, a walk in an unknown neighbourhood, or a place and mood you have never tried for your next moment: what matters is discovering something together.
Sources
- Aron A., Norman C.C., Aron E.N., McKenna C., Heyman R.E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Muise A., Harasymchuk C., Day L.C., Bacev-Giles C., Gere J., Impett E.A. (2019). Broadening your horizons: self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 116(2), 237–258. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
This article is for information only and does not replace professional advice. The experiments cited measure average, short-term effects that guarantee nothing for any one couple.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.