Well-being · · 3 min read
When stress moves into the relationship
A hard day does not always stay at the office. It comes home, sits down at the table and sometimes slips all the way into bed. Researchers have a name for this: stress spillover.
Stress that spills over
A study of married couples in Switzerland showed that stress from outside, work, money, daily worries, was linked to more tension in the couple. That tension in turn came with a less frequent and less satisfying intimate life, and a relationship rated as worse. Stress is not the couple's problem, but it ends up becoming one.
What protects
A review of research on the topic highlights an encouraging point: what matters is not only the level of stress, but how the couple faces it together. Listening, helping in practical ways, taking over when the other is exhausted: this "coping as a pair" cushions much of the effect of stress.
A few habits
Simply saying "I've had a hard day" stops the other from taking your bad mood personally. Giving yourself time to unwind before tackling touchy subjects also helps. And on very tired evenings, a moment of tenderness with no expectations can do more good than a moment planned at all costs.
Sources
- Bodenmann G., Ledermann T., Bradbury T.N. (2007). Stress, sex, and satisfaction in marriage. Personal Relationships, 14(4), 551–569. scholar.google.com
- Randall A.K., Bodenmann G. (2009). The role of stress on close relationships and marital satisfaction. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(2), 105–115. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
This article is for information only and does not replace professional advice. If stress becomes overwhelming, a doctor or psychologist can help. The studies cited describe average trends.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.