Relationship · · 3 min read
Talking about your desires: why it changes everything
Talking about your intimate life with the person you love is often harder than living it. Yet it is one of the best-studied habits, and the results all point the same way.
What studies show
A 2019 meta-analysis brought together dozens of studies on sexual communication in couples. People who talk more openly about their desires and limits report greater sexual satisfaction and, to a lesser extent, fewer difficulties such as low desire. These are observed links: they probably work in both directions.
More than getting along
A study of couples compared communication in general with communication about intimacy. The second mattered on its own: with equally good dialogue, those who also talked about their intimate life were more satisfied with their sex life and their relationship. Getting along day to day is not always enough to understand each other on this subject.
Start small
There is no need to wait for the big conversation. You can start with a good memory ("I loved it when…"), ask an open question, or pick a calm moment away from the bedroom. Writing your desires down, as in the app's lists, also helps those who find the words hard to say out loud.
Sources
- Mallory A.B., Stanton A.M., Handy A.B. (2019). Couples' sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: a meta-analysis. Journal of Sex Research, 56(7), 882–898. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Montesi J.L., Fauber R.L., Gordon E.A., Heimberg R.G. (2011). The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples' sexual and overall relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28(5), 591–609. scholar.google.com
This article is for information only and does not replace the support of a sex therapist or couples therapist. The studies cited describe average trends, not what every couple lives.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.