Relationship · · 3 min read
Gratitude, a small gesture that keeps the bond alive
Over time, a partner's kindnesses become invisible: the coffee made, the message sent, the errand run. Noticing them and saying so is a simple habit, and researchers have measured what it brings.
A daily "booster"
In a study where cohabiting couples noted their feelings every evening, on days when one felt grateful for something thoughtful the other had done, they felt closer and more satisfied with the relationship the next day. The authors speak of a "booster shot", like a vaccine's, that keeps the bond going.
Feeling appreciated, and giving it back
A series of studies showed that people who felt appreciated by their partner appreciated them more in return, were more attentive to their needs and were more often still together nine months later. Gratitude circulates: what you give often comes back.
Practising it simply
No big speeches needed. A precise "thank you for…" is worth more than a general compliment. You can also slip it into a message, or into your feedback on a shared moment: a few words are enough for the other to feel seen.
Sources
- Algoe S.B., Gable S.L., Maisel N.C. (2010). It's the little things: everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. scholar.google.com
- Gordon A.M., Impett E.A., Kogan A., Oveis C., Keltner D. (2012). To have and to hold: gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 103(2), 257–274. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
This article is for information only and does not replace the support of a couples therapist. The studies cited describe trends observed in groups of couples.
A rhythm chosen together, surprises in turn, discreet reminders.